Grumpytrousers had me in hysterics this morning. Literally!
At first I just wanted to hurl things at him, followed swiftly by yelling at him to "Sod off!!" The reason being, he makes noises. All men make noises, but age 60+ men seem to make more noise than their younger counterparts. When I say noise, he's not playing Whitesnake at 115 decibels (that's me), or hammering and drilling. No he coughs, blows his nose, sneezes and farts. It can be any on that list and often accompanied by the last one!
On Mondays I begin work at 1pm so its my one leisurely morning where I take breakfast a little late, then watch a couple of programmes on TV before I go for my shower and get ready. One of these programmes (ah go on then - I confess it's Homes Under The Hammer) fascinates me. I enjoy seeing how a buyer turns an almost derelict property into something modern, clean and habitable. Towards the end of the feature they give valuations for the done up property, and the one I was keen to see this morning was a cottage in Cornwall. For some reason at this exact time, as often happens it was husbands cue to exit the man-cave, walk past the TV at the point of the valuation, blowing his nose and completely obliterating the information I'd been waiting for. Except this morning he not only blew his nose but farted loudly at the same time so all I could make out were the lips moving of the guy on the telly. No price, just lips moving.
I shot Grumpytrousers such a look which stopped him in his tracks. "What?" he asked, scratching his head and completely oblivious.
"Must you?" I asked mournfully.
"What did I do?" he wanted to know.
"Blowing your nose and farting!"
"I can't help it, it's my condition!"
"Condition my arse!"
"Erm, no. MY arse!
Well, I have to say his rapid response was the thing that had me in hysterics, to the point of tears squirting out of my eyes! The thing is, Grumpytrousers in not known for his quick wit, so the arse comment came out out the blue and caught me unawares. I couldn't stay cross with him after that.
I best tune in to BBC iplayer tonight then. After I've booted him and his noise off to the pub. Good plan, eh?